From the Guys' side:

1. Men ARE not mind readers.

2. Learn to work the toilet seat.
You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down.
We need it up, you need it down.
You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

3. Sunday sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.

4. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.

5. Crying is blackmail.

6. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work!
Just say it!

7. Yes and No are perfectly Acceptable answers to almost every question.

8. Come to us with a problem only If you want help solving it. That's what we do.

Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

9. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem, See a doctor.

10. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 Days.

11. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't Expect us to act like soap opera guys.

12. If you think you're fat, you probably are.
Don't ask us.

13. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry,
we meant the other one.

14. You can either ask us to do something Or tell us how you want it done. Not both.
If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

15. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

16. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.

17. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings:
Peach, for example, is a fruit, not A color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what Mauve is.

18. If it itches, it will Be scratched. We do that.

19. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," We will act like nothing's wrong.
We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

20. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, Expect an answer you don't want to hear.

21. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear Is fine... Really.

22. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as Hockey, the shotgun formation, or golf.

23. You have enough clothes.

24. You have too many shoes.

25. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!

26. Thank you for reading this.

Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight; But did you know men really don't mind that?  It's like camping.

The Paradox Of Men:

1. If you can't go down on them, you're not a good partner.
 
2. If you can go down on them, they are jeolous that someone taught you how.

3. If they pay for dinner, you are using them.

4. If you pay for dinner, you are trying to embarrass them.

5. If you make less money than them, you have to do all of the housework.

6. If you make more money than them, you are a ball-breaker and still have to do all of the housework.

7. If they want sex, they won't let you sleep.

8. If you want sex, they won't wake up.

9. If you choose an article of clothing that they don't like, you don't care about their taste.

10. If you ask them for help in choosing an article of clothing they do like, they tell you to dress however you want.

11. If you are polite and friendly to their friends, they want to know why you are coming on to their friends.

12. If you are distant and reserved to their friends, they want to know why you don't like their friends.

13. Don't imagine you can change a man - unless he's in diapers.

14. What do you do if your boyfriend walks out? You shut the door.

15. So many men - so many reasons not to date any of them.

16. Never let your man's mind wander. It's too little to be let out alone.

17. Go for younger men. You might as well. They never mature anyway.

18. Men are all the same. They just have different faces so you can tell them apart.

19. Definition of a bachelor: a man who has missed the opportunity to make some woman miserable.

20. Women don't make fools of men. Most of them are the do-it-yourself types.

21. The best way to get a man to do something is to suggest they are too old for it.

22. Love is blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener.

23. Remember a sense of humor does not mean that you tell him jokes, it means you laugh at his.

24. Sadly, all men are created equal.

25. When he asks you if he's your first date, tell him "You may be, you look  familiar."

...idiots